Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

How I met my Brother



I couldn’t take Mette’s words out of my mind - ’Why do you insist on staying here? You lost your job, you don’t have a boyfriend anymore, you are running out of money and you don’t even speak well the language.’ I knew she was right and meant well. She was one of my best friends and she cared for me. Yet her words stung. I hopped on my bike and cycled aimlessly for hours until the answer popped into in my head.

Why did I want to stay?

Because life is not about your job, boyfriend and money, nor speaking the local language. I was surrounded by good friends, I lived in a beautiful city, I had settled down nicely, I was enjoying myself, I was happy. Yet I didn’t have the money to afford my studio’s rent and the bills. Living in the Netherlands was a dream come true. I had vivid memories of the exhilaration of arriving and moving in, the first wild weekends. I was not ready to let go off my dream. It was almost a year since my apartment was broken into for the second time, boyfriend replacing me with another girl and my employer asked me to leave. I now house-cleaned for two families and babysat occasionally. I was barely making ends meet. With my credit card maxed out and zero savings I needed a better plan - immediately!

It was late March, winter was over. I decided to sublet my studio temporaryly and camp in the garage or sleep in the car, whichever works out better. I didn’t think through all of the details yet I put the studio for rent. I was doing to set things up in the garage while waiting for prospective renters to call. The first caller was an Italian girl - she didn’t like the open plan of the studio and sharing the living area with me. A friend helped me put a make-shift wall a sliding door. In a nutshell, two rails were attached to the ceiling and the floor with nothing better but two-sided industrial strength tape, and a large sheet of plywood sliding through them as a wall/sliding door. Yes, it was not the best of architectural solutions, but budget was tight and time was short. Caller number two was a Neurology researcher from Sweden - he was looking not just for a room, but an office space too, and he liked cooking. My place did not fit the bill.

Frustrated with the futility of my plan, I headed out of town to visit friends for the weekend. No more than an hour into my getaway I got a phone call - a Spanish guy, Hector, wanted to see the place. ‘Sure, but I am in Groningen for the weekend (2h train ride away). Can you come on Monday?’. No, he couldn’t, he needed to leave his current place immediately and find a place as soon as possible. He sounded motivated and why wouldn’t he, I was renting my studio for 400 euros, while every other room in town was at least 500 and located in the city’s outskirts, while I offered prime location. I hopped on the next train to meet Hector.

He arrived right on time - well built, clean and nicely dressed, averaged guy, married. Hector inspected the space in less than a minute, heard my spiel about my sleeping in a room in the garage, but sharing the living area, kitchen and bathroom with him, and tells me ‘Great! I’ll take it. Here is the first month rent and deposit.’ I couldn’t believe it - what did just happen, can it be that quick and painless?! My stuff was still in the wardrobe, my sheets were on the bed, I haden’t even secured a tent for my garage living shenanigan, but Hector was placing cash in my hand and I couldn’t say no, so we had a deal. I gave him a set of keys, striped the bed and put on fresh sheets. He was ok with me emptying the wardrobe later, he wouldn’t need it right away anyway. He left to pick up and bring home his bags. My head was spinning, but there was no going back. I got a motivated renter with money. On the way back to Groningen - my weekend getaway, I wondered how stupid exactly that move was, but it was too late. I focused on seeing my friends and having a good time. After two breaking and enterings, things could hardly get much worse. Right?

I returned home early Monday morning. Hector greeted me with a smile, still in his dark blue pajama, smoking a cigarette in the tiny backyard between the house and the garage. A bit of a small talk and I would have been on my way to who knows where to get a tent and perhaps an air mattress...but Hectors asked me ‘Well, where exactly is your room in the garage, because, pardon my curiosity, I looked in the garage and there is no room there.” I exhaled caught red-handed. “You are right, Hector, there is no room in the garage, I’ll ‘make one up’” - I smiled nonchalantly. He raised his eyebrow: “How?“ Really? Did I owe him an answer? ‘I’ll figure it out’ - I said with a reassuring smile and tried to leave the scene, but he woudn’t let me go…’Does the garage have a key?’. Actually, no, the garage didn’t have a key…Good job, iliana! Safety was not considered a priority.

I made coffee, we sat down and I told him what the reality of my situation was. As I wrapped up sharing my story I realized I was talking to a complete stranger, someone I just met and let live in my studio. And it was too late to back up. He had paid his share of the rent and I couldn’t afford not having him. He listened quietly. I caught myself anticipating his reaction. There must be some reaction to the insane plan I just laid out to him. He let a cigarette puff out and said with confidence: ’I’m a civil engineer. I know how to build houses. Let me help you.’ ‘That would be nice.’ - is all I could muster. I headed to the hardware store to buy paint and a few other things. By the time I got back, he was half way through rearranging the stuff in the garage opening a large space next to where my car would be parked. We swept and vacuumed, taking out buckets of gravel, dust and crumbling ceiling material. We sprayed with insect repellent sprayed, connected an extension cord, put a bright light bulb - the things you need to make a place livable. By the time we got ready for painting, it was the middle of the afternoon and his pajama was not dark blue anymore. It looked grayish, all covered with dust. So was his hair. I smiled - this stranger I just let in my home was spending his day putting my mad plan in action. We stopped for a little bit of a break, a friend of his passed by to see him, and brought pizza. How thoughtful, he must have told her to do so. I was deeply humbled. We ate, had some beer, then painted two of the walls forming the corner of my new ‘room’. We hanged old thick curtains to make-up the other two walls and that was it. I threw an area run on the cement floor, and my bedroom was ready. We moved my sofa in, and there you go…life could resume!

Hector left me to handle the rest of it - moving my clothes into boxes, taking them to the garage and setting one as a nightstand. We made dinner together - I made salad and he cooked pasta - his specialty. As we ate we talked about life, our families, his wife, my sister, our parents. We laughed and it all felt so normal. As if we have met after many years apart. I still occasionally reminded myself that I do not know that man. But I also did know him - for about 48 hours already.

The next two weeks went smoothly. And then came the rain - it rained for 6 days straight. The garage roof started leaking here and there, luckily it didn’t drip on me. There wasn’t enough room to move the sofa in any other direction, so I just patched the ceiling with plastic. Not only it rained hard for days, but it got cold too. One early morning I hopped in the shower to warm up. When I got out Hector was sitting by the dining table looking serious. ‘iliana, that’s enough. We are moving the sofa back in, you are not going to sleep in the garage anymore. You can sleep in the living area and I’ll be on the other side of the wall.“ - he said with a voice that would not take ‘no’ for an answer. I suggested we wait out for another day or two, perhaps weather would get better, but he shook his head and didn’t want to hear it. I moved back into the studio.

Most mornings we would have coffee together planning our days, then each of us went about their days. As if an unspoken agreement existed to give each other plenty of space. And there was peace and balance in that dance of care for each other. I thought he would be helping me financially with the rent, but he was helping me in more ways than just with money. I had met an amazing person. Gradually Hector introduced me to his Mom, wife, aunt, brother, all via Skype. I felt like part of his family. We talked about everything - our job hunts, the past, the future, life, romance, shared dreams over wine.

When his wife Suzana came to visit, the first thing she said was ’Hector has told me so much about you. Thanks you so much for taking care of him’. I was moved - it was more like the other way around - he was taking care of me. Well, there was no need to explain. I thanked her for the kinds words, and for trusting me and him to share a room more or less, with a sliding wall-door in the middle.

During the first nights sleeping in the garage, I couldn’t help it, but think of the irony of life - some years ago I was traveling and staying at Hiltons and Maryots class hotels, getting turn-down service with chocolate on my pillow and room service coffee and OJ in the morning. Now if rain wasn’t dripping on my face or a spider crawling on the wall next to me, I considered it a good night. But soon my thinking shifted to Hector - how blessed I was to have met someone so wonderful, with heart, integrity, and dreaming big. His wife was on a job assignment in Turkey, he was job hunting in the Netherlands, all in the pursuit of making enough money to be able to go home one day and build a house on his family land on Canary Islands.

They say that desperate times call for desperate measures. We certainly were desperate. Hector would occasionally call me crazy for doing what I did. I always replied that only crazy people reply to crazy rental arrangement ads. And then we would laugh. But we bonded over that desperation to make it in life, we both took a leap of fait to trust a stranger and help one another in a time of hardship.

I didn’t succeed staying in the Netherlands. Two months later I got a job in Australia, and Hector got employment by a Belgian company with a working site in Irak. We parted in pursuit of our next adventures, but we promised to stay in touch. For a long time I missed his ‘Good night, hermana!’ from across the make-shift wall. That’s how I met my brother.


PS. These evens happened in the Spring of 2011. Hector now splits his time between work projects in Irak and living in Spain. Susana moved from Turkey to Belgium, and then to Canary Island, where she is raising their two sons. They did buy a four-unit apartment building near the beach.
23 Sept 2016

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Birthdays on the go


It was the 1st  September 1972.
Dark, gray, cloudy skies. Imminent rain.
My Dad was about to head to work when my Mom announced that perhaps they should be heading to the delivery room instead. The rest of my parents memories are hard to reconcile. 
I was not a planned baby. After my Mom's problematic first pregnancy, they decided on having one child only. However, pregnant already, Mom convinced Dad that a second child might be a good idea - to keep company to the first one (as she likes to joke). My Dad hoped for a boy. Once I was born,  Mom was  very disappointed that I was not a boy. My Dad said it's too late.  Neither of them remembers what time I was born, but that I wasn't a very pretty baby. Honesty appreciated!  And so my life begins…

Most probably the first picture of me - I'm the crying baby, of course! 

Happy cyclist :) … Still am! 

My first picture taken in a photo-studio (I'm on the left) 


Birthdays were not celebrated much in my family. I never asked why. Everyone would wish me a 'Happy birthday!' , my grandparents would give me some extra pocket money, and that was all. When I found out that other kids have parties, I asked for one too, and for my 15th birthday I had my first Birthday Party at home. I invited 4 friends and had set a buffet table on the side. My parents thought it was appropriate to come and sit with us. My guests were shy and didn't eat anything. It was the worst and most boring party ever!!!
I decided not to have birthdays parties anymore, but to travel on my birthdays instead!!!

I'd simply go to the city and stroll the streets, or go to another city for a weekend.  I just liked changing the scenery and being on my own.  While in college, I'd travel to the Black Sea for a day on the beach - overnight train would get me to Varna at 6am, I'd watch the sunrise, spend the day sunbathing and wandering around the city, and in the evening I would take the night train back home.  

I stopped counting my birthdays at about 28. I like to joke that I'm a forever-28 :-) 
I didn't stop counting because the number got too high - life got too busy and there were more pressing things at hand, but to count the years. Nevertheless, I always made it a priority to observe my birthday - to celebrate life and every year of it!  In recent years the focus shifted to celebrating not the birthday itself, but all the wonderful people I meet, all the great experiences I have, and how lucky I have been in general!


Ironically, at about the time I stopped counting the years, digital cameras took over recording them for me, and here is what they have to say…  

2001 / Tucson, AZ - day trip to Old Tucson to hang out with the Bad Boys, and dinner with Laura

 2002 / Everett, WA -  weekend camping in the Cascades, blowing a 'birthday candle'

 2003 / Everett, WA - Hiking Mt. Rainier National Park 

 2004 / Everett, WA - Day trip to Edmonds beach

 2005 / Urbana, IL - A week at Gran Canaria, Las Palmas, Spain - a moment after that shot was taken, a wave splashed my rear :)

 2006 / Madison, WI - My first trip to Stockholm, Swededn - fell in love with Scandinavia!

 2007 / Madison, WI - A weekend trip to Washington State to celebrate with old friends

 2008 / Reading, UK - Sailing weekend in The Netherlands

 2009 / Reading, UK - Long weekend in Ireland (Aran Islands and Dublin)


2010 / Utrecht, NL - By that time I had already learned how to throw amazing parties for friends, so I hosted one,  yet I still squeezed in a quick trip to Amsterdam ;-)

 2011 / Utrecht, NL - An amazing, last minute, 24 hour trip to Paris with a lover  ;-)

 2012 / Melbourne, Australia  - A weekend in Las Vegas for the big 40 !!!

   2013 / Melbourne, Australia  - Dinner with friends in Fitzroy after a day at St.Kilda's beach

2014 / Washington, DC … Heading to New York City in 5 days :) Photo to follow…

And here it is… 1 Sept 2014 - the Empire State Building :)


Thursday, August 07, 2014

Morning promises



In my school days, I loved waking up early. Around 6 in the morning I would get to the city's square and just sit there - in the still, sleepy atmosphere, with only the fountain's splashing water sound reminding me that life has not stopped forever. Occasionally, a street sweeper would pass by, or early worker's footsteps would make me turn my head and smile to them, and then an utter calmness would take over again. There was something magical about knowing that most everyone's asleep; it felt peaceful and safe.

Other days I'd head to the main train station and I'd watch the opposite - lots and lots of people getting on and off the trains, rushing, heading to or coming from who knows where, their faces sort of caught in between asleep and awake. Unaware of my gentle intrusion, their confusion makes me smile. Newspaper stands would be already open and their business was at their peak. After making up what the dreams and the daily chores of some of the people might be, I'd giggle at my own silliness and head to school with a smile.

These days are long gone…

Lately I don't get up early often. But when I get a chance to stay with my best (and early-bird) friend, I find myself awake at 6 am and somehow, that longing to go out on the streets and simply watch the world in its most peaceful state, to enjoy the promise of the dawn of a new day...it comes back to me and overwhelms me with hope. I feel like a fisherman, who leaves a warm, comfortable bed, takes a cup of hot coffee, and replaces the safety of home with the hope that on his boat, out in the sea, it will be a good day for fishing, early hour and cold weather irrelevant.

Perhaps we are all fishermen, waking up every morning to the promise of another day.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Sunday companion


Most of my weekends since moving to Australia have not been too eventful. To make peace with the fact I tell myself: 'When I'm staying home I'm saving money for the trips to Great Barrier Reef and Uluru.' 
By chance, my living room is facing an electric pole - it's an electric lines crossroad. I like it, because often birds will line up and cheer me up with their chirping. 
Today the weather is moody. Clouds cover the sky since the morning, and it's been rather gloomy. Then it started raining - annoying drizzle and gusty wind.  
But this one magpie stayed there - on the electric line, despite the rain, for quarter of an hour. It didn't care that it's cold and wet. The wind didn't ruffled its feather, it seemed.
When the rain band passed, the magpie shook off the water and sang its song. Really?!
I often joke that if there were a singing contest for birds around the world, the Aussie ones would be the losers. The lyrebird, which is amazing at mimicking any sound , doesn't even have its own song. As for the magpie - in my opinion, they sound just like opening an old squeaking iron door.
But back to my companion today - it just stood there, singing, in the gray Sunny afternoon.
The pictures I took are not in black and white, that's exactly what the view from my window looked like.
Luckily, the weather in Melbourne is very changeable, and the blue sky soon won over the gray clouds. Shortly after the magpie flew away to play with its friends...and that's how my story ends :)


Saturday, February 23, 2013

404 Page not found... or how I gave up Facebook



May be it was a coincidence, or may be not,  but in the quiet evening of 1st of January 2013 I noticed that I had 404 Facebook friends. The geek in me giggled -  '404 Page not found'. And that's when I quit Facebook. Why? I had outgrown it.

I joined Facebook in 2007, just after another relocation - a friend suggested it as a mean to keep in touch. But I didn't have a use for it. I had only moved a couple of hours away, so I preferred to visit my friends on the weekend, call them or email them. And they did the some for me.  I also had a blog, so had anyone been interested in my adventures there were plenty of ways to find out what I've been up to. I soon made new friends in the new city, and Facebook was completely forgotten.

But then I moved overseas - the UK turned out not to be my cup of tea, work was challenging, for some reason I was failing to make new friends, I was miserable. My good friends were miles and miles away, and in different zone, so even calling and Skype were not working out.  So I wrapped myself with the Facebook blanket, craving attention and comfort. I evolved from venting bitterness and disappointment, through irony, to optimistic and fun posts. My friends and Facebook saved me.

Then I moved again, this time to a place I loved, made new friends immediately and life took off! But  I remained active on Facebook because I wanted to be there for my friends. In case anyone needed TLC, I wanted to know and to help, or if all was o'right it was always great to share a joke or two. Facebook was the place to share photos, plan the next party, find fellow expats, etc. etc. It was great!

Another twist came around - I saw the 'Social network'. Something in the way Facebook started, in the way the business part of it developed did not agree with my moral values. Let's Face it - Mark started it all because he was heartbroken, he wanted to do something big, and yes, he did it, but if it was all so altruistic why is Facebook now the way it is - changing layouts (supposedly for good), replacing your email address with a Facebook one (tricky, tricky!), now suggested advertisement links, free Apps, 'paid for' promoted post? To me it seems like Facebook is way pass its innocence, it's not the site to connect the people, but it's the site to learn about the people and ultimately try to sell you something. Well....Thanks, but NO, THANKS!

At the same time, people on Facebook changed...
A lot of my friends who have an active life withdrew from Facebook - why? because altho it's fun, it's also a waste of time.  Instead one can read, take on a project, hang out with friends in real life, do sports, enjoy a hobby, take a nap, have a beer.

I admit that in the first weeks after I relocated again recently, checking Facebook was the first thing I would do in the morning. I love my friends and I do want to know what everyone is up to,  have a laugh over a goofy post. 

But also, more businesses are promoted, more bragging take place, and once I heard someone say 'I only post on Facebook to make my friends jealous' I had to bite my lips.  'You are kidding, right?' - because I refuse to be in the same bin with such shallowness. Many of my posts are positive and sharing happy moments, but I have about equal number of humor-coated bitching. My life is NOT perfect and nor is any of yours. So, who are they getting jealous?

Another irritating fact - I know a couple of people who joined Facebook just because their partners are there. One is the jealous type and feels better keeping tabs on the 'other half'. The other, who I know as a shy and very private person, out of sudden became a social butterfly with a public profile showing tons of affection to their loved one. Seriously?! If I trust my judgement of people, then these last two need help. One more story, a sad one. A good friend of mine and their partner were madly in love with daily 'I love you' on their walls. And I mean it - daily! Then one day, the 'I love you' was substituted with change of status to 'Single'. Overnight?!

Finally, not a too serious comment, but perhaps it speaks ton of how humans behave... 
If you change your FB profile photo with that of another FB friend of mine, I would probably not notice the name, I would glance at the photo and 'trust' that I'm talking to the right Face...Hahaha!
I was just about to email the wrong person for that reason... two of my FB friends, a couple, have profile photos of both of them, so I tend to think it's the wife who post more often...Well, live and learn! Instead of  'read the fine print', I'd say - read who's name is next to the photo :)  But then again, we can change our profile name too...Sigh...is there an end to it? 

So I gave up...
Facebook to me is turning into a Fakebook!
If you want to know how I'm doing - send me an email, read my blog, comment on it. And if I want to know how you are doing - trust me, I will find a way to reach you :) 
It takes more time to keep in touch via email, but I believe it's worth it,  communications are more private and meaningful. 
As for Facebook - I will keep my profile open for a while (to transfer photos, gather everyone's email, etc.) but 404 Page not found is bound to happen!

ps. Photo from http://www.webdevelopersnotes.com


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Slap in the face of single people


As if it's not tough enough to be single (assuming you fail to snatch a romantic partner despite your best attempts), but 14 February comes as a slap in the face of single people every year.

I am not gonna bitch about my single life - for the time being it's my choice. But some years ago, when I most sincerely was looking for love and not succeeding, it was most excruciating to witness shops, restaurants, bars, practically every social locale,  turnings crimson red from hearts in all sizes. Arg!

So what, 'Job well done, Cupid!', two people are in love, yay!
Studies have shown that the end of January is the most depressing time of the year. Let's add some more drama to it and have St.Valentine's day two weeks later. Eeek!

I am sick of reading restaurant menus stating that paella is only prepared for two, that the tempting dream holiday in the Caribbean is priced on the basis of two, all the cheesy commercials with couples in love , diamonds, red roses and heart shaped balloons... Will you be my Valentine? That almost sounds like a one-night-stand proposition...Sure! Next day it's 15 February. St.Valentine is gone, and so am I.

In the US, fortunately, your social status is not your future boss's business, but in Europe they make you rethink your life choices all awhile you are making a career choice. 'Do you have a family? Are you moving to 'city/country name' alone?'  How is that any of their business?!

A few years ago, my Bilbao-London flight was cancelled, and passengers were to be accommodated in a hotel for the night. A bus took us to a fancy hotel. First they accommodated the kids - a group of Spanish pupils was going on a field trip, then they proceeded with the families with kids, then the families and couples without kids, then everyone that was not traveling alone. The singles - about 11 of us, had to wait another 45 min on the bus. Somebody joked we should  get to know each other to the point of forming 'couple' for the night, just so we get off the bloody bus (been  2.5 hours already). Will you be my Valentine?

So, what is Valentine's Day all about? Are we celebrating love itself, or is this holiday exclusively for couples? And what about us, the single ones! Can we claim our own Holiday? What about Bachelors' Day 6 months later, on 14th of August? A hot summer night party may actually up the numbers for Valentine's Day...Sounds like a great idea to me! Until then...screw Valentine's day!










Friday, January 25, 2013

Australia

Remember the poll I had on my blog?

Will I move yet again to another country, and this time...to Australia?

Well, now that I am already 'down under', here is the story... coming out just in time for 26 January, Australia Day.


The truth is, when I first posted 'Let's play' and the poll along with it, I was driven by pure childish curiosity :-) What does Life have in store for me? Back in October 2010 (hard to believe that more than two years have passed since then!) I was madly in love with a young man whose big dream was to move to Australia. I sincerely wished him that his dream come true. But if so, what would have happened to me? would he ask me to join? would I go? after all, I had just followed my own dream - moving to the Netherlands, and I was so incredibly happy... 



There is no way I could have foreseen that the romance would crack and that I would lose my job shortly after, that I would be unemployed for an entire year, that my spirit would weaken and I would apply for jobs wherever there are, just so I can support myself again. At the end, I landed in Australia - just like that, never seriously thinking it would happen. 

They say 'God moves in a mysterious way'...I'd say, life happens in a mysterious way, at least that's how my Australia story unfolds... 

Friday, January 04, 2013

Happy New Year





Far away from home, from friends and the ones I love...what better way to welcome 2013 than amidst a cheerful crowd of 17000 (just one of the fireworks vista points), enjoying the amazing light show over Sydney's harbor, the silhouette of the Opera House ... and whispering Happy New Year!

The fireworks movie can be downloaded here (.m4v format) or here (.mov format).
Enjoy!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Kids will always be the same


Twenty seven years ago. A 6th grader woke up and realized she forgot to write her homework. Yes, that was me. I used to hate writing review essays. That day we had to turn in our reviews of Botev's portrait, a Bulgarian poet and revolutionary. Embarrassed and even scared of what the outcome might be I got up and unwillingly dragged myself to my parents bedroom. I woke up my Dad and asked for help. Picture that - my Dad in his pajamas, messy hair, holding my textbook, staring at Botev's portrait, and dictating my essays...just like that. Me - diligently writing the sentences in my notebook, under the light of a candle. Yep, to make things worse, that day there was a power outage. I got an 'A'.

Fast forward...

Today - I wake up and see a WhatsApp message from my niece:
- 'Can you help me with a logarithmic equation?'
- 'Yes. Get on Skype.'
- 'Ok, I'm sending you a photo of the equation.'

I open my laptop and start Skype, while looking at the photo of the equation. Admittedly, I had to refresh my Math memory with a bit of googling, but I know how to solve it. I write down the solution. When my niece pops on Skype I turn the piece of paper towards the camera and point with the pen to each line, explaining how things are done. Luckily she gets it from the first time. Problem solved. She asks me with a trace of jealousy: 'How did you come up with the solution?'. Oh sweetie, you are only 15, you will learn how... :) Then very quickly she adds - 'Ok, I gotta go to bed now, it's 23:30 here.' Poor thing had waited for me to wake up and help. Cause I'm in Melbourne and she is in Madrid.
No matter the year, the technology and the distances - kids will always be the same...forget their homework, then ask for help. And how great is to start your day like that - in your pajamas, helping a child.

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Let's count from 0 to 100



See the movie below ...

This is one way to learn counting in Dutch....
But it's not what I meant to tell you today :)
I saw the movie again and again, and I can't help it but notice how the mood changes after 70. As if in our 70s we fear facing the inevitable - taxes and dead, and I refer to the second one. It looks like the people in their 80 are pleasantly surprised they have made it through the sifter. They seem happy to live yet another day - stress-free of life's demands and expectations.
I simply love the energy of the lady of 99 :)
I don't know how long I will count and in what language that will be, but I wish I have her enthusiasm no matter what my age is. And that means... now! :)

Friday, May 04, 2012

Birds, moon, tea and anxiety

My 'to do' list has been too long for too long. I decided to take a 'day off' and do nothing, but an overwhelming sense of anxiety took over. A self-protection mechanism, I guess. Three things helped me cope with it -
...the sight of a flock of birds in a near by tree - graciously taking off, all at once (but not so graciously captured with my camera), so free and beautiful...
...the full moon peeking through the clouds, as if making sure all is ok with me...

...the company of a very special friend over a cup of tea - helping me forget all my worries and offering a hug of support and understanding. Of this a photo is impossible to take, but if it was, it would have been a really beautiful one.

ps. Apparently, the 5th of May was a super Moom, i.e. "perigee moon" :)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Living the dream - 2 years today


On this day, two years ago, I moved to Utrecht.
It was a bright Sunday morning, calm and full of hope. I arrived just about when the movers had piled up my boxes by the front door, ready to bring them in. The rest, as they say, is history...and what a wonderful journey it has been!

Back in September 2007 I first set foot in Utrecht - to meet old friends and to visit the Rietveld house. I had a great time, so upon leaving I looked at the top of Dom and thought 'How nice it would be if one day I could live here...'

So I've been living my dream for two years now.
The first year was simply extraordinary! I have never thought I could have so much fun, make so many friends, experience so many new things. I was happily in love and loved back! My life was so rich, so colorful, so incredible. It was paradise!

But then things went awry - a robbery, job loss, love life got shaky...you name it! Total chaos!
For a very long while I was lost and scared, very scared indeed. I would hate waking up, and when I do so I would sit and stare at the wall, my brain drawing a blank. I wanted to disappear altogether.

At that same time a friend asked me - 'Why don't you go back home? You have nothing here - no job, no man, you don't even speak the language...'
Yes, she was right...why???
Because I was living my dream!!! And that's what makes ALL the difference. Wanting something and getting it, and loving it...and then losing it - what a royal pain that was! But I KNEW that's what I wanted.

It will take another 100 blogs to tell you why and how much exactly I love my life in the Netherlands. And it still won't be enough, because how do you describe the vibrant energy, the liveliness of every single moment, the happiness...

Another expat questioned me - 'While living your dream, don't you miss your real life passing by?'
NO, I wanted to scream at her - this IS my real life! It may be freaking scary and tough at the moment ... but that's the only life I have. What else do I have to go to?
It took some serious adjustment - attitude, budgeting, lifestyle ... but I AM so happy to be still here. I learned to live in a new way, but it's still MY way - my chosen place, my wonderful friends, my kind of parties! And my life is real - genuine and worth living it!

Who knows when the winds of change will blow, and my sailboat will have to leave the harbor, who knows which direction I'd head...but for now, I am blessed to be living my dream! Two years today!

Monday, February 13, 2012

A change in strategy



Having been unemployed for a while one inevitably gives in to the overwhelming pressure from people around: 'You should try everything!','What if you don't like it so much, it's a job - apply for it!','You don't have many choices, do you? - then you should apply for whatever you find!', etc.

But nearly 40 applications later I am still at square one...and Deepak Chopra's Law of Pure Potentiality is echoing in my head -
"Imagine throwing a little stone into a still pond and watching it ripple. Then, after a while, when the ripples settle down, perhaps you throw another little stone. That's exactly what you do when you go into the field of pure silence and introduce your intention. In this silence, even the faintest intention will ripple across the underlying ground of universal consciousness, which connects everything with everything else. But, if you do not experience stillness in consciousness, if your mind is like a turbulent ocean, you could throw the Empire State Building into it, and you wouldn't notice a thing."

I have always been obedient to this law - I pick a target my heart strongly desires, I study it well, I focus on it, get still, set my eye in the target's center, set my intention too, and only then I let the arrow go. But lately I had lost my focus.

Luckily, a former boyfriend of mine told me this funny and smart story (that's why I like my boyfriends razor sharp!) -

In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi, junior, what are you up to?"
"I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said the rabbit.
"Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible!" "Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Comes along a wolf. "Hello, what are we doing these days?"
"I'm writing the second chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves."
"Are you crazy? Where is your academic honesty?"
"Come with me and I'll show you." As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and a diploma in his paw. Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a mean-looking, huge lion sitting next to some bloody and furry remnants of the wolf and the fox.
The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are important -- it's your thesis advisor that really counts.

Back to my story - I finally regained part of my focus back. A good start! And I applied the Law of Pure Potentiality - I just sent an application in for a job I am really interested in, good fit to my skills, with opportunities to learn more, an adviser who seem a bit chaotic, but genuinely enthusiastic about what he does, great work location, and very importantly - I provided 3 top level references! Let's see how it all pan out.

In any case, I am pleased I found the courage to change my strategy to my liking :)

Sunday, January 22, 2012

'Mainstreet'



You know these days when you wake up with a tune in your head? For no particular reason?

Today I woke up with the melody of Bob Seger's 'Mainstreet' in my head, the guitar solo so clear. I found it on YouTube and listened to it. Again and again...

"I remember standing on the corner at midnight
Trying to get my courage up
There was this long lovely dancer in a little club downtown
I loved to watch her do her stuff...'

I don't normally pay attention to song's lyrics, for me it's all about the music. But how surprisingly matching the words were to the confident guitar solo, the soothing beat of the song...and how hard I've been trying to get my courage up lately.

I love moments like this, when a few things will line up and synchronize - mood, music, words...
It feels blissfully perfect! And it gets my courage up!

Which tune did YOU wake up to?
How do you get YOUR courage up?
Take a moment and share a story...

And to get you in the mood, here is Mainstreet...

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Beer Tasting Party - Reloaded


Beer Tasting Party 2010 (The Original) took place in October 2010.
Because of its success and attendees' interest the Beer Tasting Party returned! :)
But what is a Beer Tasting Party?
In a nutshell - everybody brings 3-5 beers - as exotic and rare as possible! Then we try and enjoy the variety of 'liquid gold'!
For the full story...click HERE

This year's facts:

Beers emptied : 116
Smallest beer : 250ml
Biggest beer : 2 liters
Lightest beer : 3.5%
Strongest beer : 11.3%
Attendees : 26 people and 2 toddlers (the little ones did NOT drink!)
Average beer intake : 4.46

Beer came in glass bottles, cans and one plastic bottle.
The list of names is long, but worth mentioning 'Tasty Lady' and 'Iki' :)
There was beer from Poland, Czech Republic, Bulgaia, Greece, Germany, Italy, Japan, Spain, Jamaica, The Netherlands (rather large variety!) and...of course, BELGIUM!
Special guest was Bart Van Kuik's Home Made Brew! Tasted by many and liked by all! :)

Goof up: 1) A beer from last year's party was kept in my fridge - sentimental value (Praght's Extra Stout). Well, it was not spared :) Pieter claimed it tasted well! O'right then! As long as ambulance is not needed ;-)
2) Poor Birsen traveled to Brussels for her beer contribution...only to find out she has to be in Paris on the night of fun and beer ;-)

Cheating: Quite a lot of cheating happened this year...4 bottles of wine, 1 Bacardi Black, 1 Bombay Gin...but the Liquid Gold Gods are forgiving :)

Closing line:
Dear friends, thank you all so very much for joining the party with genuine enthusiasm, specially selected beers and the perfect attitude for a good time! It was a night to remember and it will be remembered! :)

Photos: Click HERE

See you in 2012!
Cheers!

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Making friends...yet again

( This post is dedicated to Fleur who gently reminds me it's time for another post )



No matter the reason...you've recently moved. You've moved to a different city, state, country or continent. You've settled more or less now and as much as you enjoy your own company...you start feeling like you want to have near by friends to do fun things with, spend time with, have a drink, share a hobby.
But how do you make friends...yet again?
Where do you look for the people you would have things in common with?
How do you approach them?

I started writing this post some time ago, from an expat's point of view.
But recently my cousin changed her job and the city she lives in, staying in the same country she grew up in, and a few months later she asked me: 'I start to feel lonely in my new city. You always have so many friends. How do you find them?'
So, it's not just the expats... :)
Truth to be told, I do have many friends.
It's a dream come true, as when I was a child I was very shy and I was often avoided in school.
Now I treasure my acquaintances and friends!
They are my quintessential survival tool as an expat!
They make the world smaller and cozier.

So, here is what I can share 'dissecting' my Face Book Friend's list...and, of course, I have more friends than that :)

About 1/4 of them are former/current colleagues who have become friends of mine.
Another 1/4 are people I met through friends. Friends of friends is the easiest way! But what if you are the new kid on the block?
I hope you find this useful -
I have made 16 friends on Couch Surfing (hosting, surfing, CS events),
15 friends at MeetUp (and similar) events, 12 at Language classes, and 10 while traveling.

CouchSurfing, MeetUp and Language gatherings are best for expats and especially if you are not exactly an extrovert and outgoing person! You could surf with or host people who are similar to you, or attend local CS event to meet the city gang.
MeetUp groups could be dedicated to a hobby, particular sport, food... you name it! And if there is no group in your city, you could start one!
Language classes - not only learn the language of your choice, but meet people with interest in the same culture, or if you are already expat ... meet other expats.
Travel - this is my specialty! I like to chat up people while traveling and before you know it - you have a friend - in a pub, on the plane, in the dorm, on a boat ride...

The rest of my friends are a colorful mix of college-mates, relatives, people I met at community events, etc. The key is - get out, get exposed...you won't make friends by staying home. Unless of course you throw a party and you ask your friends to bring along someone :)
I recently saw a guy in the park - he chatted up a girl, they were both reading books, 2 meters apart...a simple conversation about the weather, origins, travel was followed by exchange of phone numbers.

Some less usual ways of meeting people and making some of my best friends - the guy who's toddler spilled milk on me waiting for my flight, the lady I rented a room from, the nurse in the dermatologist office, my realtor, a couple of on-line dates, the best friend of an ex-BF, the GF of the guy I had a crush on, and a 'one night stand' who somehow turned into a great friend for many years now :)

All it takes is an open mind, a smile and a simple 'Hello!'
At times you would have to repeat it. It takes some patience and a chance to find the people to click with. But it's worth it! I think I have been lucky many times...but then again, I am always open to a new friend and that favors the odds.

Here are some useful links:
www.MeetUp.com - global site for local gatherings
www.CouchSurfing.org - global site for travel-lovers
www.InterNations.org - global site for expats and locals networking events

If you are in the Netherlands, try:
http://www.britsoc.nl
http://www.iamexpat.nl
http://www.insego.com

Good luck! :)



Thursday, October 06, 2011

Steve Jobs, Thank you!


Exactly two days ago, on 4th October, a friend and I exchanged these comments in a Facebook chat:

‎Friend: '3 apples changed the world. The first one is the apple Eve seduced Adam with. The second apple fell from a tree and inspired Newton Law of Gravitation. The third one was offered to the world half bitten by Steve Jobs.'

Me: 'Was Steve Jobs also naked, like Adam, when he bit the apple?'

Friend: 'Good question, let me know Steve's phone number, I'll call him and ask :-P'

Me: 'http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Steve_jobs_phone_number' (link no longer exists)

Friend (after pretend-calling Steve Jobs). "He was. He also asked if Newton was naked when he saw the falling apple, but I am not calling a dead man to ask this.'

We chuckled. It was fun!

But it also reminded me of Steve Job's Stanford Commencement Speech, which another friend shared with me years ago. It is a profound speech, and I have listened to it again and again when life gets rough... I thought - not only is he a technological and creative genius, but he is also a very genuine and wise man, brave to share his personal story.

Connecting the dots...
Love and Loss...
Death...

For these who don't know me, I have been having an year from hell - within a month I lost the man I love, my job, and my home. And I'm living on my own abroad, in a country who's language I don't speak. So yesterday, 5th Octover, I watched Steve's speech again to find hope, because after all ... I am alive and I am a fighter... I even wrote down his words, they are so inspirational!

In a moment of admiration I visited the Apple website, looked at his photo (the one in this post) and I thought... Thank you, Steve!

Little did I know that on that same day his life will end.
I'm shaking my head in disbelieve, yet life is like that. Unpredictable.

I won't rant about the greatness of Apple's products. This post is about Steve - the person! 

He will be missed, but I won't forget his words! And I will try to live by them.

Thank you, Steve!




PS. Thank you, Soham, Arzu, Alex, and Erik, for so many things..

Sunday, June 26, 2011

One amazing weekend!



I have to! I have to recap this w/end. Because it was an amazing one!
It was so colorful and diverse - in terms of weather, cities, things I did, emotions I felt, but most importantly - the people I was surrounded by, literally and virtually! And in hindsight, I loved every moment of it!
The weather - nice and warm when I left Utrecht, rather chilly Friday night in Groningen, quite rainy Saturday, and lovely sunshine on Sunday - everywhere I went.
The cities - Zwolle, Groningen, Amsterdam and Utrecht.
The events:
- Super awesome Swingin Groningen Jazz and Soul Festival - with Benny Golson, Candy Dulfer, Kraak & Smaak, Billy Cobham quartet, which lead to a MeetUp / CouchSurfing gatherings and drinks with Mannus, Muhsin, Indiana, Koos, Mike, Anna, and Erik. I loooved the Benny Golson performance! Reminded me of the great times in Chicago, and further back in time - learning about jazz with my boyfriend Alex and my friend Ivo, and even further back - listening to jazz for the first time as a child on a short wave radio with my Dad. Sweet! I also enjoyed the more dancing jazz and soul tunes.
- A stroll through Groningen in the rain, with Mannus - including discovering a quaint square by the University, an eclectic photo exhibit, a lovely garden, a backgammon game (I won!)
- A delicious Dim Sum brunch with Ray in Amsterdam which turned into a leisurely stroll along canals, across bridges...sneaking bravely into the Grand Hotel to check the Marriage Chamber - ignore the name, it's an amazing hidden art-deco gem!!! Also played the piano in the hallway! Yes! Popped in a great chocolate shop (you knew I love chocolate, right?), the ever so inspirational RoB shop, De Jaren for drinks...did I miss anything? Oh, I laughed a lot!
- Going away dinner with the Fantastic Four (well, Five now) - Vero, Paul, Isabel, Mette, and Markus. A bit sad to see some friends moving away, but good to know one has good friends!
- Phone call with a dear friend of mine - loved to hear her laugh!
- Skype chat with my parents - poor they! Had not called them in a while! Guilty! :)
- A group Reiki energy exchange - with people from the UK, Ireland, Russia, the Netherlands, US, and Germany. I am so at peace now!

Excerpts of a random conversation:
'How long were you with your last boyfriend?'
'I don't measure relationships in terms of time, but in terms of intensity.'
'So how intense was it?'
'It made my every body cell alive!'

'How far do you usually travel to work?'
'These days distances are measured not in kilometers, but in hours...so 1-2 hours.'
'And how long would you travel to meet a girl?'
'As far as it would make me happy.'

Today I woke up with a sense of sweetness from life - for the first time in a couple of months. I smiled and smiled and smiled! Until it hurt, and then I smiled some more!

I found My Happy Place ...again!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Who said dreams don't come true ... literary!



A few years ago, in a dream I had, I was talking to a friend, holding old black&white photos in my hand. As I placed the photos on the table to show her, something unexpected happened - every photo played the last few moments of time before the picture was taken, as if in a movie, and then it would stop and be a still shot. The most vivid one was of a woman's face turning away and towards the camera, playing coy, laughing, the wind blowing through her hair. I woke up, but the dream was so vivid, that I could not wait to tell a couple of friends about it. I even came up with the idea of exhibiting my still photos on-line and attaching a suitable music peace to each. We all agreed it was a cool dream, an interesting idea, but that's how far we got.

Imagine my reaction today to a link a friend posted on FaceBook: Jamie Beck' and Kevin Burg's animated GIFs portfolio is sooooo close to what I saw in my dream (sound still missing!). Especially the photos of the girls with wind in their hair...

Steping aside from my dream, I must say - Good job, Jamie and Kevin!!!

Some of the photos touch me in yet anoher way. Remember the last time you felt blisfully happy...when everything is nearly perfect, and you don't want this moment to go away, when you want to freeze time and stay there, for ever!...but a little movement, like a flickering candle flame, or a passing by taxi, remain in motion to remind you that you are still alive?... Jamie's photos remind me of these beautiful times...

What I wanted to say is ... dreams do come true (literary!) and the most amazing moments of our lives will be kept in our memories as long as we cherish them with our hearts. As for beauty..."Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful" (Ralph Waldo Emerson).



Thursday, March 03, 2011

Facing big decisions


"Don't worry, Mother! If the marriage doesn't work out, we can always get  divorced!" OK, I didn't say it quite like that, but it was close - I had just phoned my Mom to inform her of my decision to get married with my boyfriend from 4 years to which she replied "Are you sure this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

I loved him. And I loved him a lot. But I was becoming resentful at the way he didn't appreciate what we had, for not showing emotional support, for keeping some distance and not trusting me completely. It hurt me to find out that instead of talking openly with me, he called my parents and told them I don't care about him anymore. It was rather the oposite - I cared about him, but we could not see eye to eye. I was trying hard to succeed with my job (first job abroad after college), while he had just closed his business back home and was currently unemployed (for about 9 months) It was tough! I didn't know what exactly to do, but I knew I didn't like the current state of my life. Before too long, a friend asked me one day - 'So, are you guys getting a divorce?' My immediate reaction was 'Of course not!', but then I realized I'm short on breath and I felt dizzy. A second later added 'But I guess that's where we are heading...'. I hanged up as soon as possible. I had to think - was I really going to get a divorce? Was it happening to me? For real?

Some decisions in life will always be tough and painful - like breaking up with someone you love, deciding to get a divorce, or deciding to divorce second time. Some may not be easy, but won't be so emotionally taxing, like selling your first home or car. But often even positive events - moving to another city or country for that dream job, buying a house with your long term partner, having a baby - they put us to the limits of our comfort zone. Clearly a chain of events - could be short or long, is leading us to that point of making a decision, but the moment of facing the big decision...that's when I freese! And I'm sure many of you too.

I've tried diferent approaches. I'd pretend all is ok until one day I start loosing my sleep - my worries win. Or I will go wild - parties, alcohol, friends, random dates. Then I'll sit down with the legal yellow pad and counts pros and cons. Or go sit on a beach and listen to the waves until a solution emerges in my mind. And at times I will simply cry for hours. Ironically, they say that there are no signs on the most important crossroads in life. Not even your closest friends could know what's best for you.

Here is what I have learned in my life so far (and remind me to read my own blog next time I hit a speedbump!):
- Face the big decisions with respect to yourself and to others that might be involved.
- There is no need to wait for the situation to get as bas as possible before taking a step towards improving it.
- If the situation I find myself into is worse than the average level of happiness I experience in my life - something needs my attention.
- No matter how big the decision - most are reversible!
- Some decisions are scary because of how much money is involved in them - ask yourself if money is what you live your life for.
- Many times the goal behind a decision is much easier to reach than you think - be courageus, go for it! Trust yourself!
- Every decision, even the best one, is a result of your life experience up to now. Tomorrow you would have lived longer, know more and the decision might not seem as perfect, but it is still a good decision for right now.
- I could seek advice, I could listen to a shrink, but ultimately I make a decision myself, because I am the one to live with the outcome.
- At times a little patience helps to see the forest (or the trees).
- Often I have to let go of a little to gain a lot.

A few big decisions I've made over the years:
- Moving from Cleveland to Chicago - not many know this fact, but my first eight days in the States I lived in Cleveland,OH with my uncle. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, but it was not the life I was looking for. So with only $165 I moved to Chicago, staying with friends for while, learning the language and falling in love with the Windy City...before I got my first job and moved to Arizona.
- Divorcing my first husband while I still loved him - being civil when parting is so important. Till this day, although not often, we can still talk like grown ups and even share a joke.
- Leaving my easy job in Illinois and getting a challenging one in Madison, WI - I loved the city, I loved my friends there, I loved the job I had! Great time!
- Leaving my well paid job in UK and moving to the Netherlands for half the money, having so much fun! Even falling in love!!!

You see, in my books a life with no regrets is life well lived! And if not now...when?!! And facing big decision is part of it.
I'll leave you with something you probably have read already, but Mark Twain said it so well:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover"



PS. The image I initially used when writing this post is Roy Lichtenstein's work, but the words I photoshoped. I simply couldn't find his other painting which had the comment on divorce. Appologies! And if anyone has Roy's painting with the mother and the daugther, pls, let me know. I'll be happy to put the proper one up.

PS2. I finally found the image I intended to use when writing this piece. It's now at the top of the post, and it comes from Douglas Coupland's "Generation X" - an illustration by Paul Rivoche.